A

PORTFOLIO

IS JUST

SEMI-PRO

FAN FICTION

A PORTFOLIO IS JUST SEMI-PRO FAN FICTION

Here you’ll find ads for products that don’t exist (yet), movie posters for films that only play in fever dreams, book covers for novels that refuse to be written, and one-liners that showed up uninvited at 3 a.m.

This isn’t client work—it’s portfolio fanfiction. A cult of copy. A ritual of slogans. And since I’m a writer, not an artist, the images are AI—because I can describe the Sistine Chapel, but I sure as hell can’t paint it.

  • Hose Water - The After Tag Type of Drink.

  • eadcaedcae

    Nexova - The PR After PRs.

  • STFU - Why Say It When You Can Spray It!

  • Get a Life - Because fulfillment shouldn’t cost full price. This Labor Day, Get a Life™ for 69% off. Tote bag included, self-worth sold separately.

  • We Branded the Void. It Liked It.

  • How to Write Copy While the Room Burns.

  • I Rebranded God and Now He Won’t Return My Calls.

  • Rebranding Anxiety as a Luxury Product.

  • SEO for Ghosts with Unfinished Business.

  • Retargeting Ads for People Who’ve Emotionally Moved On.

  • Pitch Deck for a Startup Run Entirely by Cats.

  • Case Study: How We Made People Care About Concrete.

  • From Concept to Baby: How to Pitch a Family to Your Unsuspecting Tinder Date.

Cheer like your life depends on it… because it kind of does.”...Two ex-cheerleaders in their fifties grab their pom-poms, wine, and Advil to lead a misfit squad through a world where TikTok is war and Nationals is destiny.

Cheer like your life depends on it… because it kind of does.”...Two ex-cheerleaders in their fifties grab their pom-poms, wine, and Advil to lead a misfit squad through a world where TikTok is war and Nationals is destiny.

"Every desk hides a secret. Every coworker hides a weapon."...An office manager’s cover unravels into paranoia when his desk job becomes the front line of a global conspiracy.

"Every desk hides a secret. Every coworker hides a weapon."...An office manager’s cover unravels into paranoia when his desk job becomes the front line of a global conspiracy.

V2 - "The cure is worse than the curse."

V2 - "The cure is worse than the curse."

“They carry no flag, only the end.”...Hunted as terrorists, nine soldiers carry within them the last experiment — one that threatens to erase what it means to be human.

“They carry no flag, only the end.”...Hunted as terrorists, nine soldiers carry within them the last experiment — one that threatens to erase what it means to be human.

"“They came to be cured. The island came to consume.”...Sent to recover on a sun-soaked island, seven patients descend into madness as the line between therapy and torment disappears.

"“They came to be cured. The island came to consume.”...Sent to recover on a sun-soaked island, seven patients descend into madness as the line between therapy and torment disappears.

"They weren’t the first to look… they won’t be the last to disappear."...In their search for the lost arcade game Polybius, five college students stumble into a deadly conspiracy where every lead brings them closer to silence.

"They weren’t the first to look… they won’t be the last to disappear."...In their search for the lost arcade game Polybius, five college students stumble into a deadly conspiracy where every lead brings them closer to silence.

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